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How To Love One Another With Quality Time
by Pastor Mark Taylor
"By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." (John 13:35)
In this message with the help of the Holy Spirit, we will learn how to “love one another” with the “love language” of quality time. It is important that we learn how to invest time in the lives of our family, friends, and with God.
Some of the information today in quotations will come from Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages. The rest of it will come from scriptural principles I have learned from the Bible and other sources and sermons. It is not just learning new material but putting what we have learned into practice that will make the difference in our lives. "If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.” (John 13:17).
There are 168 hours in each week. The average person will spend about 56 of those sleeping, 24 eating and with personal hygiene, 50 working or traveling to work. That means there are only about 35 hours a week of “discretionary time” left over or about 5 hours per day. It is important that we use this time in the best possible way when we are with our family, our friends, and especially with our Lord in prayer and Bible study.
The challenge is not to manage time, but to manage ourselves.
The Bible says: “See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16). Circumspectly means to be constantly looking around to make the most of every opportunity.
If you don’t manage your time, someone else will manage it for you. Benjamin Franklin said: “Do not squander time, for it is the stuff life is made of”. Say “NO” to time robbers. There will always be somewhere else you can be, but if you are going to spend quality time with your family, friends, and the Lord, you are going to have to learn the power of that little two letter word, “NO”.
Below are some ways to show your spouse, your children, your friends, and the Lord Jesus Christ that you love them by speaking the love language of “quality time”.
1. Quality attention to the other person is being "present". When someone is sharing something important with you, they value you and are including you into a small circle of people they trust. This is not the time to to tell them your opinions until they feel that you have listened to them. In fact they may not want your opinion. Often they just need someone to listen so they can formulate their feelings. Slow down and enjoy those special moments God gives you with those you love.
2. Give those you love, your "undivided attention "
“It isn’t enough to just be in the same room with someone. A key ingredient in giving your spouse quality time is giving them focused attention, especially in this era of many distractions… When a father is sitting on the floor, rolling a ball to his child, his attention is focused on the child.” This is also true for our children, our friends, and the Lord. So we need the Lord to teach us how to use our time more wisely. “So teach us to number our days, That we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalms 90:12).
3. “Quality Conversation” is an important part of spending time with each other. “Quality conversation is quite different from the first love language. Words of affirmation (encouragement) focus on what we are saying, whereas quality conversation focuses on what we are hearing.
If I am sharing my love for you by means of quality time, and we are going to spend that time in conversation, it means I will focus on listening sympathetically to what you have to say. I will ask questions with a genuine desire to understand your thoughts, feelings, and hopes.”
Here are some practical suggestions for having a “Quality Conversation”.
- Maintain eye contact when you talk to others.
- Don’t try to listen and do something else at the same time.
- Listen for feelings. (if people are sad, angry, joyful, etc.)
- Observe body language. (If people are tired, uncomfortable, nervous, etc.)
- Don’t interrupt the other person when they are telling you something that is important to them. Don’t start telling them about your problems at this point.
If you will give the Lord your undivided attention, He will listen to you and speak to you through His Word and through the Holy Spirit.
This can also be used in your prayer time and time of Bible reading. “I will lift up my eyes to the hills-From whence comes my help? My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth.” (Psalms 121:1-2). “I have called upon You, for You will hear me, O God; Incline Your ear to me, and hear my speech.” (Psalms 17:6).
“One way to learn new patterns of Quality Conversation is to establish a daily sharing time in which each of you will talk about at least three things that happened to you that day and how you feel about them.” It should include at least 2 good things.
4. “Quality Activities may include anything is which one or both of you have an interest. The emphasis is not on what you are doing, but on why you are doing it. The purpose is to experience something together, to walk away from it feeling, someone really cares about me because they were willing to do something with me that I enjoy and did it with a positive attitude. That is love, and for some people it is love’s loudest voice.”
How do you find the time, you don’t – you make the time.
At times to show your love, you may have to be involved in an activity with the person you love that you are not really that interested in. Guys you may need to go to a play or shopping with your wife or help them with housework or cooking. Ladies, you may need to go fishing or walk through a sporting store with your husband or help them on an outside project. Parents you may have to give up some of your time to attend your child's awards ceremony or game. The truth is that You don't really give up or spend your time, you are investing it in other people's lives.
The Lord Jesus found time to spend with His Father every day.” Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed.” (Mark 1:35). We also need to spend quality time with the Lord every Sunday by being in church. “My voice You shall hear in the morning, O LORD; In the morning I will direct it to You, And I will look up.” (Psalms 5:3).
Coming to God's house on a Sunday is giving Him Quality time. It should not be just a duty, but a genuine desire to hear from Him in music and God's Word. Prayer is Quality time with God. Reading God's word is quality time.
"I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the Lord. (Psalms 122:1)
This week work on spending (investing) quality time with your family, your friends, and using words of encouragement to each other and loving one another with acts of service. Next week we will learn about the “love language of “giving and receiving gifts”.
