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Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Handling Conflicts In Our Relationships

Handling Conflicts In Our Relationships
By Pastor Mark Taylor 

 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”   James 1:19-20
The real question is not whether or not we’re going to have conflicts; the real question is how do we settle them?  Here are some practical ways to handle conflicts in our relationships.

Be Quick to Listen
    • When we listen, we encourage the other person to talk.
    •  Listening also helps us to understand the other person.
    • Reasons many of us do not listen:
      1. We’re defensive.
      2. We assume we already know what they’re going to say.
      3. We’re thinking about what we’re going to say next.
    • How do we listen?
      1. With observation listen not merely with our ears, but listen with our eyes.
      2. With concentration focus on what the other person is saying.
      3. With consideration think about the meaning behind the words without jumping to conclusions.
      4. With clarification think it through until we get it straight.

Be Slow To Speak

  1. Proverbs 10:19  “In the multitude of words sin is not lacking,
    But he who restrains his lips is wise.”
  2. Proverbs 17:27  “He who has knowledge spares his words,
    And a person of understanding is of a calm spirit.”
  3. Proverbs 21:23  “Whoever guards his mouth and tongue
    Keeps his soul from troubles.”
  4. Ecclesiastes 5:3  “For a dream comes through much activity,
    And a fool’s voice is known by his many words.”

E. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7   Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;  does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;  does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

    • Destructive games we play:
      1. The judge we blame our mate.
      2. The professor we act superior.
      3. The psychologist we assume we understand everything about the other person.
      4. The historian we keep a record; we want every detail correct.
      5. The dictator we want to rule, sometimes by a show of force.
      6. The critic we compare our mate with other people.
      7. The preacher we act “holier than thou”.

Be Slow To Wrath

Ephesians 4:26 - “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath,

                  How can we be angry and sin not?

Be angry for the right reason be angry only at sin.
Be angry at the right things not at the sinner, but at the sin.
Be angry in the right way our anger should move us to do something about a situation that is wrong.

                           When you have an argument:

Have it at the right time not before a meal or a social event.
Have it in the right tone keep words soft and sweet; you may have to eat them.

Have it on the right turf just the two of you - not in the front of other people, especially your children and grandchildren.